Every website admin, whether he/she knows it or not, has the ability to track how people are getting to their site. Since I’m not really trying to attract new users so much as write a commentary for people who may already know me, I rarely check those stats. But after trying to figure out why I got an email about my excessive bandwidth usage, I decided to try it out. During June of last year (before I started blogging) my site had 2 hits. That means two people visited my site during all of June of last year. Whee! June of this year, I had over 4,000 hits. Since March, when I started actively pursuing acting again, my site has gone up an average of 1,500 hits per month. This is a direct result of blogging. Google, and other search engines, take note of every word you type#–after a complex algorythm determines who ranks highest, when you search for any word on my site, I should pop up somewhere. SO… if I type turtlepoop into my blog, eventually I will show up in a Google search for "turtlepoop". No kidding. Give them about eight days to go through my site again, then search Google for "turtlepoop". I’ll bet you I show up! Since there are only 13 sites currently returned for "turtlepoop", I’ll bet mine shows up near the top of the list.

That brings me around to weird search items.

Since Google and other search engines catalog every word, my site can show up under some pretty random searches. After culling through the hundreds that landed people here in August, here are my favorites:

• how does pursuing an acting career in los angeles compare to pursuing an acting career far from los angeles?
  I’m not really sure#–but I’ll bet the weather is better in LA than in Alaska.
• written zero
  Oh. Been there, man. Sometimes, when you’ve written zero, you just feel lazy. Though it makes me a little self conscious knowing out of 14,900,000 pages, I rank number one for "written zero". Thanks.
  
• i am a fat pig
  I am sorry to hear that. If it makes you feel any better, you may be able to overcome a) your weight, through diet and exercise, and b) your self esteem, by remembering that the world needs all makes and models of humans. Number 4 out of 882,000.
• pee pee poopers
  This is not a joke. Seriously. I’m number 6 out of 9,080. Pee pee poopers? Really? Pee pee poopers?
• toothpaste auditions in ny
  Right now, I would love to go on a toothpaste audition. If I can audition to actually be the toothpaste.
• photos curlers
  I never wear my hair in curls, but maybe I should?
• how to get the bungie.net logo next to your xbox live gamertag
  Oh! This I know! Go to www.xbox.com, click on "XBox Live", then on "My Live". Sign in or create a free account. Then go to www.bungie.net and sign in or create an account there. Now, click on "My Settings", then "Web Settings"#–under "Show Bungienet User Status in Halo2" select "On", then click on "Modify Settings". No need to thank me.
  
• walrus going crazy
  Oh crap! Where!? I’m only number 9 on this one guys, out of 83,300#–we can do better. More walrus going crazy content for sure!
• clothes in 2005
  I’m a little unclear here… are we looking for the fashion trends from 2005, or just any clothes that are maybe in any picture from 2005?
• wendy shizzy
  Fashizzle my nizzle! Fo’ sho’!
• carrying a bullwhip
  Number 7 on this one… and no, you do not need a permit for a concealed bullwhip. I promise.
• 161
  161 what? Cans of deodorant spray? Naked cats? Screaming smurfs? Now I’ll show up on Google for each of those phrases.
• kimbo fights
  Kimbo fights dirty. She punched me in the nethers once, and then laughed at me. Plus she knows ka-ra-te.
• overweight girlfriend
  Oh boy… this is going to be a conversation starter when Holland reads this… I never said anything like that I swear!
• 162
  Oh right, from when I wrote about the 162 best ways to skin wayward parrots.
• grossest jobs
  Whoah! Number 7 out of 47,400! Wow! I’m getting up there! Wait a sec… what do I do that’s gross? Repeatedly humiliate myself in front of prospective employers? Oh… right… acting.

Think I’m lying? Give it a try… search those terms. I’m there baby. And because of this post, I may even jump higher.

But I do feel sorry for all those people out there legitimately searching for "pee pee poopers" and finding my site. They will be sorely disappointed. Or maybe not.