“The Suburban Seven”
A vehicle, packed to the ceiling with pillows, bedding, and junk food.
On the ground nearby, coolers, travel bags full till bursting.
JAMIE, fresh-faced, sorority sweet takes the objects handed her by FINN and stacks them next to the front door.
She stops, unscrews a water bottle, drinks.
Finn hands out a bag, waves it.
FINN
Take this, will you?
JAMIE
I’m taking a break.
He waves it again, tosses it towards the door.
A car toils down the gravel driveway.
JAMIE (CONT’D)
They’re here.
Finn joins her, drinks from her bottle.
FINN
(over shoulder)
Hey Blair!
Pulling into the drive, LEVI leans out one window, HOKIE another. Arms extended, sunglasses on, they surf the cloud of kicked-up dust, putting on a show.
HOKIE
Cow-a-bungaaaa!
LEVI
Righteous curl dude!
The car jerks to a stop.
FINN
Did you get lost?
LEVI
Pit stops.
MANDY opens the driver’s door.
MANDY
I’m not riding with them on the way back.
HOKIE
No AC equals lots of pee-pee. For me.
LEVI
And me.
MANDY
I’m not riding with them on the way back.
The boys begin unloading.
HOKIE
Where’s Kimbo?
JAMIE
We lost them after the truck-stop.
LEVI
She probably had customers to service.
MANDY
Does the house have air conditioning?
FINN
We’re not going inside until everyone gets here.
MANDY
Give me your car keys.
Finn tosses the keys.
She starts the car and cranks the air.
MANDY (CONT’D)
Thank God.
JAMIE
We’re almost unloaded.
HOKIE
Us too.
Hokie tosses a duffel towards the front door.
LEVI
Is there a boat?
FINN
Blair’s checking the dock house.
Another car bumps down the dusty road.
HOKIE
(singing)
There she is…Miss America…
FINN
(yelling)
Blair!
MANDY
Can we go inside now?
FINN
Hang on a minute.
The car creeps up to the group, stops, lowers a window.
WES
This map, does not say “dirt road.” This map also does not say, “very very long dirt road with no signs.”
Kimbo opens her door and jogs towards the house.
KIMBO
Oh my God I’m gonna pee!
WES
I already had to pee. In a ditch.
Levi grabs Kimbo, tickles her, she fights back.
LEVI
Don’t lose it! Don’t lose it!
HARLEY steps out of Kimbo’s car, stretches.
HARLEY
That is not a three hour drive.
Levi releases Kimbo.
HARLEY (CONT’D)
Hi.
KIMBO
Everyone, Harley, Harley, everyone.
The group awkwardly waves, says hello.
KIMBO (CONT’D)
I’m serious, I’m going to pee.
JAMIE
The front door’s still locked.
HOKIE
(taking charge)
Friends, Romans, countrymen, take to your rears. Seriously, sit down.
Mandy honks the car horn.
MANDY
Hurry up!
FINN
We’re getting there! Chill out!
HOKIE
Welcome one, welcome all, to the final getaway weekend of the Suburban Seven.
(acknowledges Harley)
Well…the Suburban Seven plus this guy, and Finn’s cousin. Is he here?
FINN
He’s checking the boat.
HOKIE
A few ground rules for the weekend. #1: no cell phones. Turn them off and hand them over now, lest your antennae be crushed and your reception forever ruined. This weekend is about us…not our parents, or anyone else.
WES
Mine doesn’t work out here anyway, here.
Wes hands his cell over.
FINN
Here’s mine and Jamie’s.
The rest of the group follows suit.
HOKIE
#2: you must participate in the group activities. No party-poopers allowed. That includes certain blonde females who will remain nameless.
Mandy flips Hokie the bird.
HOKIE (CONT’D)
And finally, #3: don’t destroy the premises. I defer to our dear friend Finn.
FINN
This is my aunt and uncle’s house, don’t tear it up. Oh, and they wouldn’t let me have it without bringing my cousin Blair, so there’s a whiny nineteen year old running around too. If he bugs you, throw something at him.
HOKIE
Simple rules, simple to follow. Now…
(to Finn)
Break open that cooler…
Finn opens a cooler and begins passing out cans of beer.
HOKIE (CONT’D)
A toast to initiate the festivities.
KIMBO
I’m gonna pee, hurry up!
HOKIE
The Suburban Seven. Having survived frat houses…
MANDY
And sorority houses…
HOKIE
Long-winded professors, and the occasional failed final, we stand here on a precipice#–the doorsteps to success, or the poop-shoot to failure. May this weekend launch us on the right path, and a lifetime of friendship.
FINN
The Suburban Seven.
JAMIE
The Suburban Seven!
They raise their cans and toast.
Levi does not drink, Wes locks eyes with him.